uuggghhhhh...

Just had to say that I had a new blog post I had been planning but unfortunately I have came in contact with some serious icky-plagueish type germs and feel as though my last hour is close.
So I will try to nurse myself back to health and if I make it ...Ill be back soon..
Toodaloooo...

Beginings...again..

Geesh, its harder than I thought to keep up with this whole Blog thing.. I am officially addicted to twitter now so trying to keep updates on twitter, facebook AND blog..whew...thats a lot of computer time ..
Anyway, I guess its official, its been a long time coming, hard , sad, exciting, depressing, lonely and any many others but anyway I suppose as of today I am officially SINGLE !!
It has finally all come to a head after just hanging by threads for waaay to long.
Yes I am scared, there will be changes, I need to reinvent myself I suppose, get another job, make cutbacks..those types of things but at the same timee I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted.. So I guess I started this blog thing in perfect time.This can be my therapy and I can share it with the few followers I have, lol ..
What really matters and I know very well is that I have my children...with them nothing can be too bad or lonely ..I am a survivor and I WILL SURVIVE ( need to dig that C.D. out from somewhere !)
I called my mom today to tell her the news which she also knew was coming ,but its still a dreaded call. Its like you are slapping them with dissapointment or something..But surprisingly she said"well I am glad youre not heartbroken,its much easier to recover when you are angry and not sad, you'll be fine , you always are"
No matter that I dont even talk to my mom that often it does make me feel better knowing she is there and she understands. And I have my sister, my bff , as long as I can call her and bitch , complain, whine, and I got my kiddos..Ill be fine..just fine..
So heres to a new chapter in my life ..lets see how this one goes...

Easter ..new beginings

I know EASTER is all about new beginnings as is SPRING..and I do think that every year but this year had even more meaning.

My 15 year old Ky has been suffering from a flare up of Crohns disease for the last few months.It has been way to tough for us all.He had been in remission for years and though I hate to admit it I had taken his health for granted . He knew certain things not to eat and he was very very disciplined about it.But other than the diet changes , I felt like he was going to be in remission forever..Then it hit like a brick upside the head.

He had to start home bound schooling, quit in the middle of his best wrestling season , became alienated by his friends etc..He even had to stay at his dads more and away from his siblings because of the chance of coming in contact with more germs.It was awful.

Now I know how blessed I ill am ,believe me..there are parents out there burying their children, living in hospitals etc.I know how lucky I am to have three other children that are soo healthy .But it was still very heartbreaking , very frustrating..

There is no other feeling that I can compare more heartbreaking than feeling so useless, and helpless. Seeing my child in pain, yellow skin, loosing weight...I am a fixer , I am the control freak I suppose . When something is broken in my family or household I have to fix it..Mot mothers are..well knowing there was nothing I could do almost put me under. I truly had to have faith, and that is hard to hand over.

Anyway back to the topic..Sunday was the first day that Ky was able to sit down with us since Thanksgiving and eat with us.The first time he looked HEALTHY !! He has gained eight, he has less pain less bleeding, has more control and understanding of his body and what is wrong with him.

It was wonderful !! Having all of my children and Em (future D.I.L.) sitting there eating and laughing, and having the sun shine through the windows after a looong rough winter was sooo perfect. Our own Rockwell painting . I was soo thankful and grateful.

I looked over at him at one point and felt soo much joy I could have burst.He was smiling, laughing, taking, eating, and seemed so NORMAL..SO KY.

I felt like it was a new beginning for us all, for him especially.

when something like this happens..let me ell you it really puts things into perspective.Its a shame that it takes this to bring the light to our eyes.but it usually does.

AND I have seen the light ..I vow to never, ever take their health for granted again..

I will not be hit in the head with a ton of bricks again...dammit..